White Lies

I was shocked the other day when a podcaster I really like said, “A white lie isn’t really a lie.”

I feel compelled to say I totally disagree. If a white LIE weren’t a lie, it wouldn’t be called a LIE.

White lie (definition): a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

(In my opinion, possibly one of the most subjective, judgmental definitions ever. Harmless? Trivial? Says who?)

Honest (definition): free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere.

“Every lie is two lies, the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.” –Robert Brault

First, be honest with yourself. Why do you feel compelled to avoid hurting someone’s feelings? What makes you so sure your opinion will affect them? And if your opinion really matters, shouldn’t it be honest? Saying something false to someone, no matter why you pretend you did it, is exactly that—FALSE. Why are you doing it? Are you lying because you think someone else will feel better because you approve of them? Or do you lie to them so they will approve of you? Figure that answer out first.

Next, be honest with the other person. You don’t have to share a negative opinion, just as you don’t need to falsify a positive one. Give them some credit for being able to handle something you don’t approve of.

Q1: Do you like my new haircut?

A1: (You do not, but that doesn’t mean it’s not cute. It only means YOU don’t like it. It’s only YOUR opinion.) “Short hair makes your eyes stand out.”

Q2: Do these pants make my butt look fat?

A2: (Duh.) “What kind of moron asks a question like that?”

And now I’m going to paraphrase the Bible…whaaat?! “If you can’t be trusted to be honest about little things, you cannot be trusted to be honest about big things.”

Our truth is one of the few things in our lives we can control. I challenge you to commit to being honest. Every day. All the time. Without exception. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Always. Non-negotiable. A lie is a lie and it has no place in your life.

“When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth.” —Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Be inspired. Go forth. Create your day.