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Have you ever confided to a friend about a person who annoyed you? When you finished, maybe you said, “Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.” You felt better, but worse, too. Somehow we know in our bones that sharing negative thoughts increases their negativity.
Fortunately, there is a solution…
Damage-free venting to transform negative energy
How to do it: Open the Voice Memos app on your phone. Start a new recording and START TALKING. Say everything you want. “I can’t believe…I would never…I’m so pissed off…They’re so…@!&^&!@!…”
Immediately, you will feel your stress lower. By the time you are done with your rant, you will likely wonder what made you so angry. You might realize it had nothing to do with the situation, but reminded you of a prior similar situation. Or your voice might crystalize the reason you are upset.
After you get it all out, listen to your recording. Listening is as important as talking. Your voice deserves to be heard. Have compassion for yourself and validate your complaints.
Why it works: When negative emotions are stuck in your head, you cannot see them clearly. When you express them, rather than share them, you gain perspective. In theory, this is how traditional therapy works because a therapist is trained to not absorb your negativity.
Similar situation: If a butterfly landed on your nose, it would be a blur, but if you held out your hand and it perched there, you would see it clearly. Perspective allows you to transform your negative energy, instead of transferring it. How do I know? Try it and see for yourself. I promise you will feel better!
Drawbacks: NONE. You can delete your memo and congratulate yourself on being the best therapist ever. Or you can keep it for research purposes. Give your memos names such as, “Angry” or “Overwhelmed,” along with the date. When you listen to multiple recordings about the same emotion, you will notice what they have in common.
The One-Off Effect: My mom likes to say that when you get older, you think you do odd things every once in a while, when in reality, you do them all the time. I think this is true of all of us, at every age. When you use voice memos, you will see for yourself that you repeat the same thoughts and actions over and over again. If what you are doing leads you to feeling a negative emotion, it’s time to take a closer look.
Follow-up: Now that you have cleared your head, consider whether you need to communicate with the person with whom you were upset. If so, address it directly with the person and no one else. Always. Consult yourself—not your friend, not your mom. Face it: You know the answer, you just feel better when someone else feels your negativity. That’s why you feel bad after you share. For inspiration about using your voice, see post: Brave.
Technical details:
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