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My friend was in a car accident the other day. She was more upset the driver didn’t apologize, than about the accident itself. I’m leaving out whose fault it was, because I propose it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes people worry that an apology is an admission of guilt. If we could eradicate the word guilt from our lives, we would all be much happier. Guilt is synonymous with fear. Fear is the opposite of love—it creates separation and gets us nowhere. CONNECT!
The energy of any interaction is comprised of the energy of all parties involved. If you are tied to the word guilt, you will need to assume everyone involved is guilty. Everyone plays a part.
I believe a heartfelt apology can fix just about any situation. Have you ever been prepped for an argument, all evidence lined up, but the other person apologizes first? Maybe you sort of accept their apology, but you list your grievances anyway, and they reply, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Queue: tire screech. An apology totally short-circuits us. After a moment, we are likely to say, “Well, it wasn’t all your fault.”
Today’s inspiration: I apologize
How to do it: When you feel angry or slighted, and you want someone else to apologize, consider how to bridge the gap. Is there anything you can accept responsibility for? Can you empathize with how the other person is feeling? I am NOT saying you should apologize for something you didn’t do, or be a victim to make a situation better. I am suggesting taking a deeper look at your own actions. When we are angry at someone else, it’s always about us. Always. Imagine the other person is an innocent child. Does it help you see the situation differently? Acknowledge your part in the situation without expecting anything in return.
Example: Someone bumps into you and knocks your phone out of your hand. Clearly not your fault, right? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the cosmic puppeteer pulled you into each other. Maybe the other person wasn’t paying attention. Maybe you were texting while you were walking. It doesn’t matter. Acknowledge your part in the situation. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.” Or “Are you okay?” Smile. You will be shocked at how the situation changes. Have you ever bumped into someone accidentally and they apologized before you did? It completely changes your mindset.
If you apologize with the intention to acknowledge your part in the situation, not to fix it, nor elicit an apology from the other person, you will come out ahead every time.
An apology acknowledges the connection between us. If the other person storms off with an expletive, you can think of it as a test you created. Their anger is not about you—it has nothing to do with you—it’s about them. Smile and move on. Maybe the next person you bump into will be your friend.
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” -Ben Franklin
Related post: Only Connect …We ALL want to BELONG & BE LOVED & BE UNDERSTOOD.
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